Genesis Chpater 10 – “Generations”

  1. Now these are the generations of the sons of Noah, and his sons were Shem, Ham, and Japheth, and unto them were sons born after the great flood.
  2. The sons of Japheth; Homer, and Magoogle, and Madeye, and Javelin, and Tubular, and Mensch, and Tiaras.
  3. And the sons of Homer; Anansi the Spider, and Riptide, and Togarnish.
  4. And the sons of Javelin; Felicia, and Tarnish, Kitten, and Dolomite.
  5. By these were the lands of the Gentiles divided in their own lands; every one after his tongue, after their families, and in their own nations.
  6. And the sons of Ham; Kush, and Mizinthrope, and Take, and Canaan.
  7. And the sons of Kush; Reba, and Havilittle, and Sashcloth, and Ramen, and Sabertooth. And the sons of Ramen; Sheila and Dede.
  8. And Kush begat Nimrod. And that one isn’t made up, there’s actually a guy in the Bible named Nimrod.
  9. He was a mighty hunter on the Earth, and that was, like, the job back then.
  10. And the beginning of his kingdom was Babel, and Eric, and Accadentally, and Canine, in the land of Shiner.
  11. Out of that land went forth Asshair, and builded Neintofive, and the city of Hoboken, and Callwaiting.
  12. And Rosin between Neintofive, and Callwaiting: the same is a great city.
  13. And Mizinthrope begat Luddite, and Anamil, and Ladybits, and Neptune,
  14. And Prism, and Calsium, out of whom came the Philippines, and Captaincrunch.
  15. And Canaan begat Sidearm his firstborn, and Hoth,
  16. And the Junglesuite, and the Amirite, and the Gurgleshiv,
  17. And the Hivityourway, and the Parkit, and the Senate,
  18. And the Aardvark, and the Zamboni, and the Hammertime: and afterward were the families of the Canaanites spread abroad.
  19. And the border of the Canaanites was from Sidearm, as thou comest to Gear, unto Giza; as thou goest, unto Soda, and Gamora, and Admiral, and Zebrameme, even unto Latasha.
  20. And these are the sons of Ham, after their families, after their tongues, in their countries, and in their own nations.
  21. Now unto Shem also, the father of all the children of Oboe, the brother of Japheth the elder, even to him were children born.
  22. The children of Shem; Elon, and Asshair, and Asphyxiate, and Lutz, and Arid.
  23. And the children of Arid; Utz, and Hull, and Bangers, and Mash.
  24. And Asphyxiate begat Salad; and Salad begat Oboe.
  25. And unto Oboe were born two sons: the name of one was Peggy; for a shark had made his leg a meal and now did walk on a peg leg; and his brother’s name was Jockstrap.
  26. And Jockstrap begat Allmydads, and Shleep, And Hazardousmaterials, and Jarhead,
  27. And Hadenough, and Snoozal, and Dickless,
  28. And Opal, and Abigail, and Shemale,
  29. And Opheermenot, and Havilittle, and Bob: all these were the sons of Jockstrap.
  30. And their dwelling was from Mesha, as thou goest unto Sephar, a mountain in the east.
  31. These are the sons of Shem, after their fmilies, after their tongues, in their lands, and after their nations.
  32. These are the families of the sons of Noah, after their generations, in their nations: and by these were the nations of the Earth divided after the great flood.
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